"Who's Gonna Save the World Tonight?"

     With all this talk of the end of the Mayan calendar (aka the end of the world), I got to thinking -- if the world really did end tonight, would I have any regrets?  I don't typically put much stock into such fancies, but still... incessant talk of the impending apocalypse will get anyone thinking about it.  One thing I can say is, I definitely have not been feeling too fabulous lately, so it'd be a shame if the world ended on such a glum note.  I recently ended a two-year relationship with the man who I had always thought to be my soul mate, in order to pursue my lifelong dreams.  For as long as I can remember, I have always dreamed of moving to New York City, and living a big life in what I believe to be the most exciting city in the world.  Until recently, though, it always seemed like just that -- a dream.  I never let the dream reach quite into the realm of reality.  I had resigned myself to the fact that New York would always be a place I would admire and dream about from afar, and visit from time to time when I got lucky -- a mere fantasy.  For many years, I was okay with this.  I recognized that this restless desire was within me, and I tried to stifle it.  A few months ago, it hit me like a freight train -- why in the name of God am I trying to stifle my dreams??  I should be doing the opposite!  Life is too short and precious to push our dreams to the side, hoping that they'll go away (they never will -- they'll only grow and manifest within us until it is too late).  It became suddenly very clear to me that I was then faced with an earth-shattering decision to make: Do I stay here with the man I love and live contentedly, but risk always wondering 'What if?' for the rest of my life?  Or do I sever a relationship full of love, passion, and companionship in the name of my own selfish dreams and desires?  I have always lived my life trying to please others, even at my own expense -- in some circumstances, I have been miserable just for the sake of not displeasing others.  I was sick of this aspect of my personality -- when was I going to start living for myself?  When I'm dead?  Would I be okay with the world ending, knowing that I never even tried to pursue my dreams?  There is no excuse for that, not in this life or the next.  So, I made the gut-wrenching decision to leave him, for this is a journey on which he does not desire to accompany me.  Sometimes, it felt like I was ripping my own heart out of my chest, but somehow, I knew I was doing the right thing.  I was doing me, for once.  I know that I hurt him (I hurt me, too), but I also know that I simply cannot go through life never having chased my dreams -- for that is not a life worth living.  I am a firm believer that your soul mate should complement your dreams and goals -- you should be able to have both, not one or the other.  And so, one day when it's finally meant to be, I believe I'll have it all.  Everything will fall into place, and I won't have to give anything up.  If the world ends tonight, while I won't be spending my last night in the arms of the man I love, I can at least find solace in the fact that I was on the path to pursuing my dreams.  Right now, that's enough for me.

"When it is Dark Enough, You Can See the Stars..."

     It is far beyond my comprehension how, as human beings, we are able to keep going and endure this life, in spite of the seemingly endless darkness, pain, and overwhelming grief it constantly serves us.  How, in the aftermath of the slaughtering of twenty innocent children, do we carry on?  How do we manage to function?  Sometimes, I am filled with wonder that we keep going.  In moments where we want to fall to our knees and surrender, how do we manage to drag ourselves up?  Every time some force of evil or wretchedness is unleashed upon the world, I can't help but wonder this.  Can we even fully wrap our minds around the darkness which is constantly threatening to swallow us whole?  Is it the lack of comprehension which protects us, and allows us to keep living?  We know we feel grief, empathy, sorrow, anger, confusion, hurt, fear, and hopelessness... Sometimes I don't think that is enough.  Sometimes I think that, if we really felt and truly understood the darkness of the world, we would cease to exist -- I don't think the human mind can handle that magnitude of pain.  I think the world would collapse under the weight of such grief.  In the wake of such incomprehensible tragedy, I feel compelled to write -- because that is all I can do.  As tears stream down my face, I am aware that I still do not understand what has happened, or why, or how.  What is this world we are living in, and how are we still safe?  How do we all manage to get out of bed, let alone continue to live our lives?  I feel thankful that my mind has not allowed me the full realization of such darkness, and that it has somehow protected me in doing so -- otherwise, I do not think I would survive.  None of us could.
     Today, as by the grace of God I somehow managed to go for a run, all I could feel was thankful that I was alive, feeling my heart beat and blood pumping through my veins.  Thankful that I was able to go on that run, when so many children will have no such chance to do a simple thing as that.  Thankful for every precious step and breath on this earth.  Who knows when it will be my last?  My other worries and emotions become trivialized as I have that rare moment of understanding and pure gratitude -- at least I am alive.

It Does Not Matter How Slowly You Go - So Long As You Don't Stop

     Sometimes I still can't believe that, a mere three years ago, I couldn't even run a quarter of a mile -- nor did I want to or enjoy it.  Friends could not pay me to run or workout with them; I used to be completely content with such a lifestyle.  Now, in just two years, I have two full marathons, one half-marathon, an 8k and four 5k's under my [runner's] belt.  I love having goals to constantly be 'running' toward.  Looking forward to the next race or event keeps me moving and motivated; there is always something to work for and room for growth and improvement.  There's nothing I love more than motivating others along with me -- getting a group of friends together to participate in a race is such a positive and uplifting experience.  Today, for example, a group of girlfriends and I participated in the Jingle Bell Run/Walk 5k for Arthritis, hosted and organized by the Arthritis Foundation.  Having several friends afflicted with this condition, I was passionate about getting involved and getting others on our team, as well.  As always, half the fun is looking forward to and anticipating the race, but nothing is more exciting than the actual event.  Seeing the determination and motivation of all the participants, no matter their shape or physical condition, is truly moving and inspiring.  Whether they run, walk, or wheelchair to the finish line -- they get there.  Many participants were afflicted with arthritis themselves (like my friend and the 'captain' and organizer of our team), and no matter how much pain they might have been in, they still made the journey to the finish line.  It does not matter how long it takes you to get there -- the fact that you get there is amazing in and of itself.  It does not matter how fast or strong you are, or how good of shape you are in -- keep at it, one step and one foot at a time, and eventually you will achieve goals you never dreamed possible.
     Today, I placed in my very first race: I came in third place for females in my age group.  It was not a very big event, and there were not too many participants, but still -- it was a great feeling knowing I have come this far.  It reminded me that there is reward for dedication and perseverance, and it reminded me to keep going.

Winter's Beauty 101: A Few Tips For Staying Fresh and Bright

     As you know, with the cold, dry winter months comes dehydrated, dull-looking skin and a somewhat pallid complexion.  Being a self-proclaimed sun worshiper myself, I always dread the coming fall and winter months, where the lack of consistent vitamin D tends to make me look a little pale and sickly.  There is nothing I love more than a fresh, bright-looking complexion, although this is sometimes a difficult feat in the dead of winter, when the sun tends to hide behind clouds and most time is spent indoors.  However, after many cold seasons of trial and error, I think I have mastered the art of maintaining a bright and hydrated-looking complexion, and keeping that healthy glow we all love so much.  Read on for a few of my cosmetic routines and product suggestions, try it for yourself if you so desire, and behold the glow.
     Moisturizing is key during the harsh and dry months of fall and winter, and should in most cases be done twice a day (morning and night).  For the most part, I tend to have a somewhat oily complexion, and usually use light and oil-free moisturizers.  However, I usually switch to a richer moisturizer during the fall and winter in order to give my skin the moisture and hydration it craves.  Right now, I'm using Alba Botanicals Natural Hawaiian Moisture Cream with smoothing jasmine and vitamin E.  This particular cosmetic line is natural, organic, and 100% vegetarian.  It leaves my skin feeling soft, smooth, quenched, and the subtle fragrance of jasmine flowers is luxurious and relaxing.  Also, I have somewhat sensitive skin and this moisturizer never causes any irritation.  
     Before moisturizing, though, is the key step of cleansing and exfoliating.  I used to cleanse twice per day, but found that over-washing can actually irritate the skin more, and may make it prone to breakouts.  Instead, I use a cleanser at night to rid my face of all makeup, dirt, oil, and impurities.  In the morning, I simply rinse my face with warm water.  Exfoliation is an important and sometimes overlooked step in skincare; its purpose is to gently remove dead, dry skin cells and unveil the fresher, new skin underneath the top weathered layers.  In order to combine the steps of cleansing and exfoliation into one, I use Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Wash Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub.  This is one of my all-time favorite cosmetic products on the market -- with its naturally derived grapefruit extract, vitamin C, and microbeads, it gently cleans and exfoliates my skin, leaving it bright and refreshed.  For a little extra glow, sometimes I'll use a little Jergens Natural Glow FACE Daily Facial Moisturizer with SPF 20 -- this is a safe yet beneficial way to achieve a sun-kissed look on the face without hitting the tanning beds (please don't do that)!
     As far as makeup goes, I like to keep it light and simple.  A little Vaseline or petroleum jelly is my go-to product for lips; it's cheap, and gives the lips a full, supple, shiny look -- it looks like you're wearing a $20 lip plumper or gloss, and gives them plenty of moisture and hydration.  A touch of pink or peach blush to achieve a rosy glow is a must, along with curled eyelashes and a little mascara.  Hence, a simple, bright, and fresh face!
     These are a few of my 'tried and true' methods for maintaining a healthy-looking, bright complexion during the cold and dry season.  Don't forget, though, one of the best things you can to is hydrate from within for a quenched appearance on the outside -- drink plenty of water; make sure you are getting at least 64 oz. a day! :)
    

Pilates: Strengthen Your Body and Mind

     Last night, feeling a bit low on energy and not much in the mood for a long run, I decided to try an old faithful favorite -- pilates.  For those of you unaware, pilates is a body conditioning routine that places emphasis on stretching and strengthening the entire body, particularly the legs, back, hips, and core.  It's somewhat similar to yoga, but not quite as relaxing -- I like it because there is a bit more strength training involved, and my heart rate seems to get up there when I do pilates more so than it does during yoga.  If you are anything like me, then you might carry all your stress, anxiety, and tension in your back, which can be a debilitating ailment.  After a particularly difficult and emotional several days, I definitely felt in need of a good stretch and effective workout.  Pilates did not let me down.  With focus on back strength, stretching, and alignment, I felt like a whole new person at the end of the hour-long class.  There were plenty of core and ab exercises, which are areas I sometimes tend to neglect on my own.  The instructor also dedicated a portion of the class to legs and glutes, so those were nice and sore today, as well (I love that next-day soreness -- it reminds me that I got a great workout).  Additionally, with a lot of weight and support being placed on hands, forearms, and shoulders, it's a great upper-body workout.  Last night's pilates session was a win-win for me -- I got the stretching and relaxation I needed combined with the awesome full-body workout I wanted.  If you've never tried it, I'd recommend you do so asap; you won't be disappointed!