"When it is Dark Enough, You Can See the Stars..."

     It is far beyond my comprehension how, as human beings, we are able to keep going and endure this life, in spite of the seemingly endless darkness, pain, and overwhelming grief it constantly serves us.  How, in the aftermath of the slaughtering of twenty innocent children, do we carry on?  How do we manage to function?  Sometimes, I am filled with wonder that we keep going.  In moments where we want to fall to our knees and surrender, how do we manage to drag ourselves up?  Every time some force of evil or wretchedness is unleashed upon the world, I can't help but wonder this.  Can we even fully wrap our minds around the darkness which is constantly threatening to swallow us whole?  Is it the lack of comprehension which protects us, and allows us to keep living?  We know we feel grief, empathy, sorrow, anger, confusion, hurt, fear, and hopelessness... Sometimes I don't think that is enough.  Sometimes I think that, if we really felt and truly understood the darkness of the world, we would cease to exist -- I don't think the human mind can handle that magnitude of pain.  I think the world would collapse under the weight of such grief.  In the wake of such incomprehensible tragedy, I feel compelled to write -- because that is all I can do.  As tears stream down my face, I am aware that I still do not understand what has happened, or why, or how.  What is this world we are living in, and how are we still safe?  How do we all manage to get out of bed, let alone continue to live our lives?  I feel thankful that my mind has not allowed me the full realization of such darkness, and that it has somehow protected me in doing so -- otherwise, I do not think I would survive.  None of us could.
     Today, as by the grace of God I somehow managed to go for a run, all I could feel was thankful that I was alive, feeling my heart beat and blood pumping through my veins.  Thankful that I was able to go on that run, when so many children will have no such chance to do a simple thing as that.  Thankful for every precious step and breath on this earth.  Who knows when it will be my last?  My other worries and emotions become trivialized as I have that rare moment of understanding and pure gratitude -- at least I am alive.