"Who's Gonna Save the World Tonight?"

     With all this talk of the end of the Mayan calendar (aka the end of the world), I got to thinking -- if the world really did end tonight, would I have any regrets?  I don't typically put much stock into such fancies, but still... incessant talk of the impending apocalypse will get anyone thinking about it.  One thing I can say is, I definitely have not been feeling too fabulous lately, so it'd be a shame if the world ended on such a glum note.  I recently ended a two-year relationship with the man who I had always thought to be my soul mate, in order to pursue my lifelong dreams.  For as long as I can remember, I have always dreamed of moving to New York City, and living a big life in what I believe to be the most exciting city in the world.  Until recently, though, it always seemed like just that -- a dream.  I never let the dream reach quite into the realm of reality.  I had resigned myself to the fact that New York would always be a place I would admire and dream about from afar, and visit from time to time when I got lucky -- a mere fantasy.  For many years, I was okay with this.  I recognized that this restless desire was within me, and I tried to stifle it.  A few months ago, it hit me like a freight train -- why in the name of God am I trying to stifle my dreams??  I should be doing the opposite!  Life is too short and precious to push our dreams to the side, hoping that they'll go away (they never will -- they'll only grow and manifest within us until it is too late).  It became suddenly very clear to me that I was then faced with an earth-shattering decision to make: Do I stay here with the man I love and live contentedly, but risk always wondering 'What if?' for the rest of my life?  Or do I sever a relationship full of love, passion, and companionship in the name of my own selfish dreams and desires?  I have always lived my life trying to please others, even at my own expense -- in some circumstances, I have been miserable just for the sake of not displeasing others.  I was sick of this aspect of my personality -- when was I going to start living for myself?  When I'm dead?  Would I be okay with the world ending, knowing that I never even tried to pursue my dreams?  There is no excuse for that, not in this life or the next.  So, I made the gut-wrenching decision to leave him, for this is a journey on which he does not desire to accompany me.  Sometimes, it felt like I was ripping my own heart out of my chest, but somehow, I knew I was doing the right thing.  I was doing me, for once.  I know that I hurt him (I hurt me, too), but I also know that I simply cannot go through life never having chased my dreams -- for that is not a life worth living.  I am a firm believer that your soul mate should complement your dreams and goals -- you should be able to have both, not one or the other.  And so, one day when it's finally meant to be, I believe I'll have it all.  Everything will fall into place, and I won't have to give anything up.  If the world ends tonight, while I won't be spending my last night in the arms of the man I love, I can at least find solace in the fact that I was on the path to pursuing my dreams.  Right now, that's enough for me.